By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
