Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
