Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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