Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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