That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
