dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
