I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
