just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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