oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
