i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
