She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
