You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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