Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
