dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
