You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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