If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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