Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize