He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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