Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
