Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
