fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
