I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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