i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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