Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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