I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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