He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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