Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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