Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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