Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
