we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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