This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
