Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
