Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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