I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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