this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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