Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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