I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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