I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Randomize
