so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
