theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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