and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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