This is not my ceiling
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
