I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
