My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
