There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
