never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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