I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
