That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize