anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
