peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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