You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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