Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
