My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
