I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
