Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
