and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize