last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
