There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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