I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My cat gives me a boner
honey bunches of taint.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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