Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
