Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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