Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
