my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
