Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize