I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
