i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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