these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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