meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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