i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
