he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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