Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
