sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
