But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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