the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm both gender and math confused
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
