Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Randomize
