So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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