wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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