When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
