Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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