It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fuck appropriateness.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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