I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
