FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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