Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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