naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
