I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
