She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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