I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
