Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
