Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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