it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
